“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” — Steve Jobs
Enjoying the relaxed vibes of San Pancho, Mexico
Are you allowing the best years of your life to slip by?
It haunts me to say this, but I spent the better part of my 20’s, 30’s, and even 40’s following a script that I didn’t write.
I went to college, got a job in tech, bought a house, then another house, and just kept grinding along blindly.
I felt like something was off but everyone else I knew seemed somewhat resigned to the same path so I just kept marching along.
Then life dealt me a few blows – a layoff, a divorce, then another layoff.
My perfectly scripted path was reflecting a different story.
I spent over twenty years of my life waiting to live.
Waiting to have enough courage.
Waiting to have enough money.
Waiting to feel ready.
Waiting for enough.
All it led to was more waiting. And overthinking.
It’s hard to admit this.
If I’d seen it sooner, I could have saved a decade or two. Mirrors in the form of people doing life differently were held up to me, but I wasn’t ready to see them or to recognize my own quiet dullness.
Until I went to a conference for unconventional entrepreneurs and met a few people living full-on.
It was a massive wake-up. I had conversations with people who were deploying their skills, life experience, and desires in ways I’d never considered.
I also met a few people who I’m pretty sure were full of sh*t.
I followed up with a few people I’d met at this conference to learn more about their path. The one thing I noticed is that they all felt alive and on-purpose.
Some of the fine people I met at the World Domination Summit
Within months of attending that conference, I began saving money for a year-long sabbatical, started a business on the side, took a severance package from my corporate job, started experimenting with designing remote work, and began traveling with my wife as she led her yoga-adventure retreats.
I traveled more in one year than I had in the previous 10.
And my energy and zest for life started to return.
The person writing this newsletter article is not the same one who fell in line and walked the prescribed path and waited for everything to be perfect before taking action.
Consider this your permission slip, dear reader, to reflect and adjust as needed. If this resonates, use this as a solid nudge to stop waiting and start living.
Doing What’s Expected Puts You in a Trance
I called it being a responsible person.
I joined well respected companies, listened to friends vent about the same problems, and did most things because I thought they were expected of me.
In hindsight, I was in a quiet trance.
I did sort-of interesting things. I took an annual vacation to Hawaii. I went skiing on weekends. I golfed with clients. I volunteered. People around me seemed content enough and I molded to fit in, unconsciously.
And this all worked pretty well for me at a time when anyone with a reasonable income could afford to buy a house, inflation was manageable, there was economic stability, political stability, AI was a pipe dream, and the world wasn’t always on fire.
Now I’m genuinely concerned for those who continue to live in the trance – hoping that the good ‘ol days will return.
People tell me they feel empty, overwhelmed, and concerned about their future. They’re burned out, busy, anxious, and searching.
Of course, it’s wonderful if you’re happily pursuing a path that’s truly working for you. Many of my closest friends work in corporate jobs they enjoy.
But if you feel stuck and aren’t doing something about it, you’re at risk of staying there way longer than is necessary.
Being Picky is a Flex
I say no to a ton of invites and socializing opportunities.
Why?
Because many mainstream ways of socializing are big, fat energy drains for me.
I’m polite and friendly, but there are very few people I spend most of my time with now. That’s a big shift from my former life where I said yes to almost everything and felt exhausted most of the time.
We should be equally discerning with our work, relationships, and where we choose to live.
I’m very picky. And you should be too.
What is the result?
I reserve my time exclusively for activities, people, and places that make me feel alive. I feel like a complete privileged snob writing this but so be it.
As of right now, this looks like:
- Living in San Pancho, Mexico for most of the winter
- Swimming in the ocean every morning
- Walking every day
- Making and enjoying healthy meals
- Writing
- Operating a business that I can run from anywhere
- Exploring the world
- Intentional time with friends and family
Do this now to get out of the ‘merely existing’ Trance:
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What actually fills me with satisfaction, joy, and/or meaning?
- If I’m being honest, what work, people, places can I no longer tolerate?
- What is one simple action I can take to move (even slightly) in a new direction?
The answers may take time to unravel. That’s okay. Be open and aware. Listen.
Staying Safe is the New Stuck
We were taught to be safe. Our culture pounded this into us so effectively that most people in the United States are afraid to leave the country and less than half (170 million people!) don’t even have a valid passport .
Safety turns into a trap when it keeps you from really living.
For me, it looked like people pleasing, overworking, and sticking to the status quo for years.
I thought I had to wait before doing things that seemed indulgent like travel, writing, and designing work to fit the life I wanted.
For most of my life, I thought: once I’m ready, once I know what I’m doing, once I have my finances completely in order – then my dream life will begin.
Complete BS built on fear and conditioning.
Yes, I’ve had days of stress and wondering how I’ll make this work but waiting longer was not the answer.
If I had waited until I could guarantee health, money, and approval, chances are I’d still be plugging along in a corporate job and spending winters in the cold and rain.
When Jill and I decided we wanted to live in multiple places that we enjoy, we sold our house and made sure our businesses could support us no matter where we lived.
But we didn’t suddenly become brave like people think.
We became willing to live without guarantees.
News flash: there are no guarantees in life, no matter what you do. I’ve been laid off twice from corporate jobs that I thought were stable & secure.
Your life-affirming acts require courage.
They have no guarantees. The rewards are priceless: waking up excited about your day and looking forward to your life.
Burnout Isn’t from Doing Too Much — It’s from Doing the Wrong Things
We tell ourselves we’re burned out because we’re doing too much.
Truth: real burnout comes from doing the wrong things.
I used to fill my days with work that looked good and commitments that I’d convinced myself were important to me.
Everyone around me was doing the same.
I had professional relationships that I thought required me to be a different version of myself to fit in. I talked about things that bored me to tears.
But that isn’t a life. That was me pretending to enjoy something so that I could fit in.
Now joy comes in unexpected ways.
When I facilitate a room full of leaders, I end the day tired but happy. When I write about what truly matters, I’m energized, not drained.
But whenever I’ve taken on more “sensible” projects because I felt I should, I always feel exhausted and uninspired.
It’s not the amount of doing that drains you, it’s doing stuff that isn’t right for you.
I spent years not understanding this!
Only by following my interests and experimenting with working in ways that felt more aligned have I realized the truth:
Burnout isn’t a failure. It’s a sign that you’ve been living a life that isn’t yours.
I’ve regained energy in the years I’ve been coaching, facilitating, writing, and podcasting full-time.
I’ve felt even better in recent years where I’ve fine tuned my business to allow for more remote work and travel.
I have learned, and am still learning, what gives me joy.
And some of those things are scary… like spending a day with a group of executives who have high expectations or trusting that I’ll know what to say when they ask me a really tough question.
If I’m doing work I enjoy (facilitating, coaching, teaching, or leading retreats), it doesn’t really matter who I’m doing it for. I feel energized and inspired by the work all the same.
The point is that I’m doing something that feels aligned, full, inspiring and valuable.
When Did You Give Up?
I don’t even know exactly when I gave up on myself. It happened in small steps over time.
Creativity and joy became luxuries for other people. I gave up on fulfillment, adventure, and fun.
I forgot what it felt like to wake up with energy and to feel inspired to act.
That is a dangerous place to be. Your soul starts to wither while your calendar stays full.
We think we’re doing the right thing by being sensible and responsible.
But “doing the right thing” can become a quiet death if it’s just not your thing.
Joy isn’t frivolous. It’s oxygen. Without it, you can keep breathing for a while but it’s not sustainable for long.
Fear Is Your Friend
After years of being told to play it safe, be careful, act nice, and put in your time, I finally realized that life is happening now.
I wanted to live fully — to do something meaningful, to travel, to create — but we’ve been trained to equate safety with following the rules.
A person told me recently, “I just want to stop watching life and actually experience it. I want to be around people who are really living.”
They’re afraid to take even one small step towards living a better life. Afraid of risk, judgment, and what people will think of them.
I understand the fear. I felt it before starting my coaching business 12 years ago. I felt it before asking my current wife to marry me after my first marriage didn’t work out. I felt it when we decided to sell our house and live in multiple locations.
Right now I’m sitting in Mexico, where the language, food, and everyday life feels new and overwhelming.
Am I afraid? Yes, kind of! Definitely anxious.
Weird truth I’ve come to realize: anxiety and fear are often signposts of something you really need to do.
You have to learn the difference between fear that signals real danger and fear that signals growth.
The Fix
You don’t need another journal prompt or solo-retreat.
You need to come back to life.
I used to read a ton of self-help books. Now I feel most self-help books are borderline toxic. They keep you in victim mode, telling you that you’re broken and need to be fixed.
I’ve done it all: self-improvement workshops, mindset retreats, meditation intensives, energy healing, therapy sessions about “blocks” and “limiting beliefs.”
Some of it helped. Real meditation, connecting with nature, yoga, anything that brought me back into my body. But most of it was spinning wheels.
Talking about the problem became the new problem.
Now I do almost nothing that looks like traditional self-help which confuses some of my coach friends. (Sorry, coach friends)
Doing what genuinely gives me energy and joy has made me feel more alive and more confident than anything.
I keep moving past my comfort zone, doing what I know I love.
Do I mess up? Yes! Do I regress? Of course!
If I could offer any advice here it would be to stop trying to fix yourself and instead do a hobby you love.
Learn to play an instrument. Get a puppy. Take a ski trip. Dance in the rain.
Real healing happens by doing what’s true and alive for you.
Here’s What Actually Moves the Needle
1. Find people who are living life fully.
They’ll wake you up.
And they are all around.
You’ll find them building businesses, volunteering, in politics, selling houses, in the military, writing books, building communities, traveling the world.
Be careful not to judge too quickly.
When you’ve been surrounded by people playing it safe, it’s easy to forget what aliveness looks like.
A few years ago, I took a role at a real estate investment company in Boise, Idaho. One of the partners was the most passionate person I’d ever known.
At first, I thought he was arrogant. Then I realized he just really loved what he did and didn’t care what others thought.
He woke me the hell up — modeled what it looked like to really go for it without any shame or apprehension.
One of my current roles has me working with a couple of serial entrepreneurs, both younger than me, who are present, kind, and absolutely killing it in business. They help me tremendously. It’s like being reminded what’s possible every week.
The people around you matter.
This might be the most important thing.
2. Do something you really want to do, even a small step.
You don’t have to move to Italy tomorrow or quit your job next week. Just take one small, real action toward something you’ve been wanting to do.
If you’re a little scared, good. That’s a sign.
You literally rewire your nervous system this way.
Every time you do something that a deeper part of you longs for, you physically change. And then it becomes easier.
Tiny steps. Big rewiring.
3. Flood your system with who you want to be.
This sounds “woo,” but it’s neuroscience.
Every morning, picture the most secure, radiant, adventurous, grounded version of yourself. The one who feels safe, free, loved, vibrant, magnetic.
For five minutes, let that feeling flood your body with clarity and emotion. It is a practice.
Better yet, consult ChatGPT or Claude to come up with the future version of you in 5 years, 3 years, 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, and 1 month. Start 5 years out and have the AI tool write descriptions of your desired life in nearer and nearer increments and then read through them.
I do this almost every day. I like the one year version best.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and experience. Your body will literally change and start to expect those states, and this helps you make choices that support where you’re headed.
Now you have a few things to try, and I’ll bet you already know someone who’s living a version of life that you aspire to.
Go talk to them. Start small and see what happens.
Live bravely,
Michael
P.S. What would your life look like if you stopped waiting for permission and just went for it?
